January 2010
95 posts
1 tag
Last year I abstained this year I devour
without guilt which is also an art
-Margaret Atwood
December 2009
106 posts
1 tag
Girl Talk!
Jenny: You have to be careful with blush, or you'll look like a clown whore.
Katherine: Oh, I'm just always naturally embarrassed.
3 tags
It's not fair,
I suppose, that I am automatically so approving of the girl my brother is seeing, and so condemning towards my sister’s boyfriend. It’s kind of inherently sexist of me, too. But I cannot reason with myself.
I mean, sure, when my sister first started dating her boyfriend, I didn’t hate him. I just grew to feel very contemptuous of him over time. Because of the things I know about...
4 tags
ASK ME ANYTHING!
So what’s the deal with this whole formspring thing? You tell me, Seinfeld. But for realzies. It’s blowing up all over the place. I see those things everywhere. Seems kind of… egotistical. Like, I’m going to set up a little place where all of my admirers can submit anonymous questions. Cause I’m so awesome and everyone is dying to know about me!
I don’t know....
The continuing story of Adam's "mustache."
Jenny: I need you to come over into the light. Which mascara did you use?
Adam: The Lash Stiletto.
Jenny: DAMN IT, ADAM!
Adam: I only used a little bit.
Jenny: Looks a little clumpy.
(Adam starts laughing hysterically.)
Adam: Can we just step outside this situation and look at the words we are saying and what they are in reference to?
Jenny: CAN WE JUST STEP OUTSIDE THIS BATHROOM AND STOP APPLYING MY COSMETICS TO YOUR UPPER-LIP???
Adam: I gotta say, those years of drama club really payed off.
This really just happened.
Adam: Hey Jenny, you know how you have mascara that goes on your eyelashes?
Jenny: Uh, yes...
Adam: Could you like, put some on my mustache for me? It's all blond and pre-teeny.
1 tag
“Grandmom is so empowering to grandmoms everywhere. My grandma don’t need...”
– Adam
It’s true, too. That’s how my grandmother rolls.
1 tag
Dear Crazy People,
Hey, how are you? Still crazy? Yeah, I thought so. Listen- Can you do me a huge favor? STOP FUCKING PULLING YOUR CRAZY PERSON SHIT ON AIRPLANES. Not only is it just a huge dick move insofar as trying to kill a bunch of strangers, it makes flying a fucking chore for all the regular, not-so-crazy people who just want to get from point A to motherfucking point B. If you want to make a statement, why...
1 tag
1 tag
Sometimes I wonder if you're mythologizing me like...
Mythologizing me like I do you
3 tags
3 tags
Maybe The Dingo Ate Your Baby
So this is a true account of something that happened at my work not that long ago: Library Patron: Oh, I see you had your baby. Was it a boy or a girl? Jenny: Uh, I was never pregnant. Library Patron: Are you sure? Ohhhh, NOW I remember! The pregnancy… The baby… THE BABY! Where did I leave the baby?! Fuck!
In this guy’s defense, there have been three pregnancies among our...
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
Amber Alert in Salisbury, MD
Sarah Foxwell has been missing since Tuesday the 22nd. A suspect is in custody, and the police are still searching. I keep hoping that this is going to be one of those Law & Order situations where just after giving up hope, they find her in someone’s basement somewhere, but now they are dredging the ponds. I can’t even articulate right now the level at which this saddens me.
...
3 tags
2 tags
boringoldraphael:
Home for Hannukah (a...
1 tag
3 tags
Watch2009 is the new 1989. I just hope for the sake of fashion that 2010 is not the new 1990. (Or do I?)
I am apparently too young to know anything about the original Teen Witch, but I just googled it, and needless to say, it is on the top of my Netflix queue now. In a totally non-ironic way.
“Look how funky he is! I’ll never be hip.”
3 tags
Knitter Twitter Glory!
Vickie Howell @replied to me on twitter. This is one of the most exciting moments of my twitter life.
Here it is, in all it’s glory:
In reply to this:
Vickie Howell is like, the coolest knitting icon on all the internets. She’s pretty much bffs with Kelley Deal (OF THE BREEDERS! SISTER OF KIM DEAL OF THE PIXIES!)
AND SHE @REPLIED TO ME ON TWITTER!
Is it kind of pathetic...
1 tag
Half Catholic, Half Jewish
I used to find the term “Cashew” kind of offensive, but then I realized that cashews are delicious and so now I don’t really mind anymore.
1 tag
Stereotyping People by Their Favorite Indie Bands
Via Flavorwire, Inspired by Stereotyping People by Their Favorite Authors
The XX Blog enthusiasts who thought wearing a keffiyeha was awesome.
Passion Pit Bros vaguely interested in listening to music and very interested in having sex with their girlfriend.
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs Girls who bought checkered sneakers in the 8th grade.
Fleet Foxes Hopelessly patchy beard growers.
TV On The Radio...
1 tag
1 tag
Fun Fact: I Hate Fish
A lot of people are scared of spiders. I am not afraid of spiders, but fish freak me the fuck out. Spiders don’t really bother me. I will pick up a spider in my bare hand and go put it outside if I find one in my house. Fish, however, give me the proverbial jibblies. Fish are to me what spiders are to most people. It’s not so bad if it’s just a fish in a fish tank, although it...
1 tag
2 tags
The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock (75-86)
And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully! Smoothed by long fingers, Asleep … tired … or it malingers, Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me. Should I, after tea and cakes and ices, Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis? But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed, Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] brought in upon a platter, I am no...
4 tags
A few days ago I left a video on my...
2 tags
1 tag
Jenny vs The Republicans: Aftermath
Ugghh. What kind of person is a Duke fan? Obviously a sociopath.
1 tag
The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock (49-54)
For I have known them all already, known them all:— Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons, I have measured out my life with coffee spoons; I know the voices dying with a dying fall Beneath the music from a farther room. So how should I presume? T.S. Eliot
2 tags
Epic Facebook Battle: Jenny vs the Republicans!
Nick’s Link: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704107104574572091993737848.html
Why… Why do I even bother? It’s not even like I wanted to get into a debate about climate change today, it’s just that his statement was so completely asinine I couldn’t not say something. These are people who think that global warming is debunked every time they drink a...
“When you start having premature ejaculation we will discuss it, for now I think...”
– My Mom
“Have you seen Beyonce’s new video? Video Phone? It’s like she just...”
– Monique Jones, my hilarious co-worker
Predictive Text Lolz
8.30: Everyone is bringing a fish.
8.32: Dish... Everyone is bringing a DISH.
1 tag
1 tag
Pointless Repinings
Baby, that’s not my style.
2 tags
This is a recession, people.
Whitney: Did you... Did you just pick up 36 cents off the floor? From under that guy's chair?
Jenny: Happy Hanukkah, Bitches.